Stephen King’s IT – Top 10 Fake Spoilers

Never has such a short book title filled so many pages. (1,138 to be exact) Remember when flipping past the old TV version would fill your nightmare quota for a month or two? Well, on September 8th you’ll have to drive all the way to a theater to get scared for 14 bucks (plus another 10 for the worst nachos you’ve ever eaten). To better prepare you for a night of thrills and chills, here are the Top Ten Fake Spoilers for IT…

10 - — **10 – “Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s off to die we go!”**

9 - Meet the only Jewish kid in Maine not at a sleep away camp. — **9 – Meet the only Jewish kid in Maine not at a sleep away camp.**

8 - This "Terrifying Clown Is Here!" arrow was repurposed from a mall map. — **8 – This “Terrifying Clown Is Here!” arrow was repurposed from a mall map.**

7 - When kids hunting a monster hit a dead end, it's time to bring in a ringer... Velma! — **7 – When kids hunting a monster hit a dead end, it’s time to bring in a ringer… Velma!**

6 - Remember back when bike safety meant wearing a sidearm, not your helmet? — **6 – Remember back when bike safety meant wearing a sidearm, not your helmet?**

5 - The producers saved money by shooting at Stephen King's actual house. — **5 – The producers saved money by shooting at Stephen King’s actual house.**

4 - The scariest part of It: Being forced to sit through a slideshow. — **4 – The scariest part of It: Being forced to sit through a slideshow.**

3 - The studio ordered reshoots to add what's been missing from this summer's movies: municipal schematics! — **3 – The studio ordered reshoots to add what’s been missing from this summer’s movies: municipal schematics!**

2 - Where's E.T. to give you a little 1980s early-adolescent-on-the-run airlift when you need it? — **2 – Where’s E.T. to give you a little 1980s early-adolescent-on-the-run airlift when you need it?**

1 - Can anyone actually remember a time when clowns still brought mirth and whimsy, not sheer terror? — **1 – Can anyone actually remember a time when clowns still brought mirth and whimsy, not sheer terror?**

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