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Avengers: Infinity War – Top 10 Fake Spoilers

In an attempt to release a movie so huge it’ll give each fan his very own heart attack, Disney has crammed every single hero from the Marvel Cinematic Universe into one (okay, two) giant film(s). To prepare for the only film with a call sheet longer than its running time, check out the following fake spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War

10 – Let’s admit it, it’s kind of nice to see a Hemsworth in pain.

9 - Thanos's primary motivation: Conquer the Universe. Secondary motivation?: Bedazzle his Gauntlet.
9 – Thanos’s primary motivation: Conquer the Universe.
Secondary motivation?: Bedazzle his Gauntlet.

8 - Only one of these three actors has a "I'm getting back end box office points" smile on their face. Can you guess who?
8 – Only one of these actors has a “I’m getting box office points” smile on his face. Can you guess which one?

7 - You know the drill, Ruffalo. You get 15 minutes of exposition in the sport coat then it's torn pants and green skin for the rest of the film.
7 – You know the drill, Ruffalo. You get 15 minutes in the sport coat then it’s torn pants and green skin for acts 2 & 3.

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Top 5 Fake “Black Panther” Spoilers

Marvel’s first film of 2018 is all queued up so check out these fake spoilers…

We've all had that dream where we show up to our village completely naked.
5 – We’ve all had that dream where we show up to our village one morning completely naked.

4 - Like the best superhero movies, Black Panther teaches us to be afraid of all first-responders.
4 – Like the best superhero movies, Black Panther teaches us to be afraid of all first-responders.

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Wonder Woman Trailer: Top Ten Fake Spoilers

Top Ten Fake Spoilers from the latest (and last) Wonder Woman Trailer:


10 - Warner Bros. went out of its way to hire a female director to make sure Wonder Woman got that touch of Baywatch young girls can look up to.
10 – Warner Bros. went out of its way to hire a female director to make sure Wonder Woman got that touch of Baywatch young girls can look up to.

x - Little Wonder Woman: "Where do babies on "Hot Chick Island" come from, Mommy?" Wonder Woman's Mother: "Uh..."
9 – Question: “Where do babies on Hot Chick Island come from, Mommy?”
Answer: “Uh…”

Wonder Woman: The feminist icon who doesn't leave the house without her favorite accessories.
8 – Wonder Woman: The feminist icon who always accessorizes before leaving the house to fight crime.

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Logan’s Travels with Charley (and Wolver-tween): Yes, No, Maybe

(Spoilers? Just some mild ones, bub.)

Yes, it’s good to see Wolverine in action again. Pairing him with a mini-me (or mini-him… er, actually a female mini-him) smelled like a big fat gimmick upon first glance (or whiff) but Wolver-tween is interesting, entertaining… and jarring. Seeing her decapitate an enemy was oddly refreshing. Why?

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The LEGO Batman Movie: Death of a Police Commissioner, Birth of a Batgirl

(Spoilers below? Oh yeah.)

A few years back there was a Lego movie. It’s name escapes me right now. Anyway, the Lego movie was thought to promote collectivism and criticize capitalism. The makers of the Lego movie (whatever it was called) denied an anti-business agenda BUT… the bad guy in the film was named “Lord Business.”

Well, a few years have passed and now we have The Lego Batman Movie on our hands. Perhaps to bring a Ra’s al Ghul-ish balance to the cinematic Lego-verse, this film asserts a strong critique of police policies largely revealed through the Barbara Gordon character. Her shedding of the commissioner’s uniform (Don’t get excited, it’s a PG film) in favor of her Batgirl costume formalizes her abandonment of supposedly enlightened law enforcement policies.

In the first reel Police Commissioner Jim Gordon finds himself in a crisis: The Joker has assembled a huge bomb to blow the literal floor out from under Gotham City. Gordon does what the G.C.P.D. does best: Call BATMAN!

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The Indoor Crowd

 

Indoor Crowd #1

 

Editor note: Smash Cut Culture is proud to be the exclusive home of the brand new comic strip The Indoor Crowd by Francesca Parise.  The strip is centered on three female millennials as they navigate their way through the culture and their urban surroundings. New strips released every Sunday, because that’s what Sundays are for – comic strips!]