“This script needs more ObamaCare!”

That’s what Valerie Jarrett, President Obama’s Senior Advisor, has basically been saying during her recent visit to Hollywood.  The president and his staff are attempting to get some marketing help from Hollywood with some good ol’ fashioned product placement. Because as a consumer, there’s nothing that makes me want a product even more than when it’s shoehorned into my favorite television shows!

Like any good citizen, I’ve come up with some of my own potential episode storylines. However, where Jarrett wants ObamaCare to be simply be mentioned positively, I think it’s a strong enough presence to be the primary focus of an A story on most shows.

Grey’s Anatomy

Due to the Affordable Care Act, Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital receives a surge in patients who would normally just “wait out” their illnesses.  Because the surgeons are all overbooked, none of them have time to sleep with each other and/or talk about personal problems all day.  This unrealized sexual and mental release takes a toll on the doctors, who all become hospitalized due to stress-induced illnesses.  Doesn’t sound like the end of the story, does it?  Yeah, because it’s the season finale cliffhanger. And there’s also like a nuclear bomb or something that’s going to explode inside the heart of a five-year old kid with Asperger’s.

The Big Bang Theory

THE BIG BANG THEORY
“We got bazinga’ed by ObamaCare!”

When Sheldon is diagnosed with a rare pre-existing condition known as “Sheldon Cooper Disease” his mother convinces him to register for ObamaCare.  Problem is the darn website just won’t work.  Sheldon takes it upon himself to redesign the whole website.  Unfortunately, the site is such a mess that it takes even a genius with 187 IQ too long to fix, and before he can figure out how to get it to work, he becomes the first to die from Sheldon Cooper Disease. (more…)

My Life Ends Today (And I Couldn’t Be Happier)

It's Finally Opening Day
It’s Finally Opening Day

That’s right.  It’s Opening Day!  The great ballparks across the US are opening up today and we’re finally getting baseball back.

So here’s what my productivity level is going to do:

Richard Mattox: Productivity During Baseball Season
Richard Mattox: Productivity During Baseball Season

All other aspects of my life will be put on hold from 4-10 pm every night.  They will be replaced by gallons of useless knowledge about who has a great BABIP and which midseason minor league call up has the best potential.  Some people say the nation’s pastime is falling away, but to me there’s still nothing that makes me feel more American.

My O’s (that’s Baltimore Orioles) made a few late signings this offseason and look poised to make noise in a competitive AL East division.  We’re all just praying Chris Davis’ 53 homer season wasn’t a fluke.

Chris "Crush" Davis: 53 HRs
Chris “Crush” Davis: 53 HRs

How do you feel about Opening Day? Have you been counting the days since October? Or do you find baseball to be unbearably slow? What are you looking forward to most in the 2014 season? Let us know!

Hidden Movie Stars on Food Network – Part Deux

If you missed Part 1, it’s no big deal.  Click the link to catch up. To sum it up, Will Smith is out and celebrity chefs are in.

So, what celebrity-chefs are ready to be turned into mega movie stars, so that studios can begin printing money again through cross-branding and achieving an Infinite Brand Fuck ©?

Alton Brown

 Alton’s got the look and devious personality to seamlessly enter the any Marvel franchise as a supervillain.  Hell, he already kinda plays a bad guy on Cutthroat Kitchen, so he has the experience.  But let’s not forget his roots.  Alton’s humble beginnings on Food Network make up the perfect recipe for a villain’s origin story:   Cooped up in his house, tinkering with food, using SCIENCE to explain cooking techniques. If anyone on Food Network is going to threaten the world with a giant laser, it’s Alton Brown.

Robert Irvine

 With a clear villain we need a clear hero and that man is Robert Irvine.  He’s got the size to fill Schwarzenegger-esque roles AND he’s British.  He also served in the Royal Navy, so Robert is actually more qualified to play James Bond than all of these guys combined.  And to really lock him in as a movie star there was that whole controversy in 2008 about him fabricating his resume. Lying to get a job?  Welcome to Hollywood, Mr. Irvine. (more…)

Spinning New Tales from Old Ones

On the news that Disney will be releasing a Star Wars film every year for the foreseeable future bouncing back and forth between various lead characters, Drew Taylor over at Studio System News decided to list 11 characters from big Hollywood franchises that he thinks would make for worthy spin-offs in the never ending struggle to squeeze every last bit of life out of an idea.  While a couple of his choices seem worth exploring (Dutch from Predator and Q from the Bond films), I feel he’s reaching on most (The Worms from Men in Black and David from Prometheus) and there is no reason to.  There are plenty of much better characters to draw inspiration from.

 

I think these seven movie characters deserve their shot at the lead role. And as an added bonus, I’ll even use my excellent casting director skills to cast the roles.

1 & 2 –  Clemenza and Tessio from The Godfather I & II (1972, 1974)

This might seem sacrilegious as it would be poking fun at one of the most celebrated movie families, but hey it’s the mob – let’s have it.  I ain’t out to glorify the mafia so this would be a kind of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead comical thing.  The two long-time friends and underbosses to Vito Corleone fend for the family during the same time-frames as Godfather Parts I & II where certain scenes get to overlap.  Vincent D’Onofrio as Clemenza and Hugh Laurie as Tessio would make a perfect madcap match.

 

3 – Quint from Jaws (1975)

A prequel.  The young seaman is back from surviving the sinking of the ship that delivered the bomb in WWII and fighting off the sharks that terrorized the survivors.  Suffering from PTSD, he retreats to Amity Island to reconcile the demons and begin his revenge against the shark.  I’d give this part to Tom Hardy. (more…)

100 Movie Challenge: #100 Ben-Hur

B+

We begin our journey through filmmaking history with the 1959 epic, William Wyler’s Ben-Hur, starring Charlton Heston in his Oscar-winning role as Judah Ben-Hur.

Ben-Hur 1959
Ben-Hur 1959

To this day, Ben-Hur maintains the record for the most Academy Awards for a single film (now tied with Titanic and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King), winning an unprecedented 11 Oscars out of 12 nominations.  This then begs the question, how could the most decorated film of all time only strike the list at #100?

It’s a good question.  Like the two other films tied for the Oscar record, Ben-Hur effectively melds a wonderful story and great acting with a superbly high production value (the $15+ million budget was the most ever seen at the time of production).  The film follows Judah Ben-Hur, a Jewish prince on a quest to rescue his mother and sister from unjust slavery.  The story is paralleled with the story of Christ, including a climactic scene at Jesus’ crucifixion.

Charlton Heston as Judah Ben-Hur in the famous Chariot Scene
Charlton Heston as Judah Ben-Hur in the famous Chariot Scene

While Ben-Hur certainly holds up over time, it is admired now primarily for its influence on the future of film.  The stunning biblical/historical epic defined a genre and re-established the bar as to what was possible in the world of film.  Scenes like the infamous “chariot scene” or the naval battle are as realistic today as ever, despite being made over 50 years ago (which is definitely some rare praise).

Ben-Hur earns a solid B+.  Perhaps it isn’t quite the life-changing movie now that it once was, but without it, films like Titanic, The Lord of the Rings, and, the upcoming biblical epic, Noah, may never have existed.  And on the liberty scale, Ben-Hur earns a walloping 9.5 out of 10.  The entire story is centered around the dream of attaining freedom, which is perhaps what makes Judah’s quest so noble.  For him, nothing compares to the notion of being truly free; a theme that rings just as true today as 2000 years ago.

Wyler’s masterpiece continues to prove why it holds a place as a film history juggernaut.  My only regret was not being able to see it on the big screen.  My tiny Macbook screen probably doesn’t do justice to the originally intended epic-widescreen experience.  (If you, for whatever reason, have the opportunity to see this in 35mm, do not, I repeat DO NOT miss that chance).  So why only #100?  I suppose that remains to be seen.  We’ve got a lot of movies to go.

That’s one down.  Next up: Disney-Pixar’s Toy Story.

  • 100. Ben-Hur
  • 99. Toy Story

What did you think of Ben-Hur?  Were you totally blown away?  Or were you snoring by the start of hour 3?  Let us know!

 

Free Workshop and Internships for Liberty-Loving Creatives

Want to score a free weekend in L.A., learning the craft of storytelling from Hollywood veterans?  Or how about a three-month paid internship at a leading production company?

is pleased to announce that applications are now open for two of their premier training programs.

The  is TN’s flagship, this year’s being the fifth in a row.  A three-day weekend conference in August, it’s the perfect way to sample what TN has to offer, with minimal commitment.  Best of all, it’s absolutely free.  And TN even helps cover travel expenses and provides free room and board.

Who can apply?  TN is looking for liberty-loving filmmakers, video-makers or screenwriters who have some background in media or have written at least one script or made at least one short film or video.

About two dozen applicants will be selected to come to L.A. on August 15-17, 2014, where the workshop will take place on the campus of UCLA.  The faculty is comprised of seasoned Hollywood professionals who will share tips on craft and career advice.  The focus is on developing powerful stories, which is the root of any great movie or TV show.

graduate-film-300-slider

If you prefer a longer sojourn in L.A., apply for the .  This program is more selective than the workshop, as it only accepts about three each year.  Each will work for a leading production company as an intern for about three months.  One or two will work in the summer, and the other(s) in the fall, gaining valuable experience and connections.

The early-bird application deadline is May 1st, so apply soon.  See the “” page for more information.

And don’t forget about TN’s new program for more advanced filmmakers, the .

The Grand Budapest Hotel: A Brief Musing Using Letters of the Alphabet

If you were to ask me, gun to my head, what I think the interior of Wes Anderson’s home contains, I would answer: dioramas, a train set that could circumnavigate the globe four times, and a secret room filled with Advent calendars (and only Advent calendars). That, or completely unfurnished, Jobs-style. Just some walls and a whole bunch of broccoli. I’m sorry. What were we talking about? Oh yes. The Grand Budapest Hotel.

grandbud

I first caught wind of this project months ago, while settling into a viewing of Gravity (or, as it’s sometimes known in my house, “Space…?“). Why a trailer for TGBH would run before a Bullock blockbuster is beyond me, and perhaps my memory is all wrong, but let’s just go with it. The trailer was well-received by the affluent, predominantly white crowd that evening. And let’s face it: that demographic is cake to Anderson. And this movie is like an elegant trifle you don’t want to eat because you know, deep down inside, if you partake, it will disappoint you, because there’s no way it’s as lovely inside your mouth as it is outside of it. Like how really elegant-looking wedding cakes almost always taste bland, and the kind of homely ones usually taste pretty spectacular. (Please vote in the comments section whether or not you’d like me to write a long-form article on the nuances of wedding cakes, and how they serve as a metaphor for ephemeral versus lasting beauty.)

All the favorite players make an appearance (your Wilsons, your Swintons, your Bill Murrays), and Alexandre Desplat’s score is there to jauntily scoot you along from one madcap set piece to the next. But keep in mind that TGBH is a dark comedy (whose villains don’t really show up until about an hour in), and, for the most part, depicts the isolated adventure of two unlikely–but, as always, likable–heros: a displaced lobby boy–played by newcomer Tony Revolori who already seems to understand the culture of a Wes Anderson film–and a preening, particular, and ultimately aspirational concierge (Ralph Fiennes). The film’s most redeeming quality, though, is its melancholy, which often gets lost amidst the activity, the swirling colors, and the admirable cast of cartoony characters.

Anyway, Google can generate a million reviews for you in half the time it takes to blink your eye, so I’ll spare you an in-depth assessment. Suffice to say, TGBH is really, really pretty, and it made sense when we all oooh’d and awwww’d six months ago because we were just tasting the trailer frosting. As for the actual cake…let’s just say it wasn’t (spoiler alert) a Mendl’s.

New Marvel Movie Tackles Privacy Issues

I got a chance to check out an advance screening of Marvel’s Captain America:  Winter Soldier, and I am not ashamed to say it actually made me proud to be an American – and not in the ways you might expect.

Cap01The film opens with Steve Rogers, aka Captain America (Chris Evans, who remains impeccably cast as the moral conscience of the Marvel cinematic universe), working for the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division – or S.H.I.E.L.D. for short.

For the five of you who haven’t seen any of the Marvel universe movies until this one, S.H.I.E.L.D. is a government agency that is more or less the equivalent of the Department of Homeland Security, the NSA, and the CIA combined into one horrifyingly powerful super-agency run by an unaccountable version of the UN Security Council.

In Captain America’s world – much like in our real one – privacy, freedom, and even congressional oversight are a thing of the past. All that matters now is “security” at any cost.

Steve Rogers is clearly uncomfortable with the future he’s been dumped into, but as a 95-year old super-soldier, he doesn’t really know what else to do with himself except work. Unfortunately, at this point he’s more black-ops agent than superhero.

Even his new darker costume reflects the change.

Cap's New Duds
Cap’s New Duds

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Hidden Movie Stars on the Food Network – Part I

Every few years movie stars are purported to have died – Not literally actors passing, as that’s just a fact of life. Rather the idea of a true blockbuster movie star. Many times it’s a just a quick overreaction to flops with big actors. Sometimes, it feels true. There was a point in time where you went to see movies because of the marquee names. Their participation was an instant vetting of the project and that the movie was worth the price of admission.

But at some point in time after Independence Day and before After Earth, we stopped caring about the actors and more about the stories. The audience starting craving stories. And because of that, the studios began to spend more time and energy developing original screenplays. comic books. And toys. And sequels. Especially trilogies with awesome packaging and glitter and shit. Yes, eventually big movie stars were replaced by BRANDS.

Brands are essentially marketing vehicles for printing large amounts of money. See the movie, buy the toys, eat the cereal and by the time you’ve grown tired of whatever the original idea was based on, the sequel comes out and starts the cycle over again. Children and Midwest residents are apparently the most susceptible to this cycle, which research analysts have redundantly described as the Cyclical Consumer Brand Cycle.

Could this man be the next Bond villain?
Could this man be the next Bond villain?

Okay, my tone makes it sound like I’m looking down on brands and money and the Midwest, but I’m not (I have friends from the Midwest, so calm down and I’m using a capital letter to describe it, which indicates a form of respect). I want everybody to make as much money possible.  Which is why I have a plan that enables the industry to create movie stars who with pre-existing conditions brands.

Enter the Food Network.

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Mystery Science Theater Returns to Television

That’s right!  Stop jumping up and down for a second so you can get the details.

The National Geographic channel has invited MST3000 alumni Michael J. NelsonKevin Murphy (as Tom Servo), and Bill Corbett (as Crow T. Robot) for an April Fools Day special.

Tom Servo, Mike, and Crow
Tom Servo, Mike, and Crow

The gang, known for poking fun at poorly made B movies, will reunite to “riff” on some of National Geographic’s own classic segments.  The special, entitled Total Riff Off, will fittingly air on April 1st.

For those of us who are already members of the MST3K cult, it will be a great time to light some candles around our television sets and re-live the glory days.  And for those of you who missed the Mystery Science Theater heyday, you’ll have an opportunity to finally understand why watching other people watch movies can be so brilliant.

In my book, this has to be considered the most anticipated TV event of the year.  I’ve been watching and re-watching every episode I can get ahold of (there are dozens on both Hulu and Netflix), but to see the riffers, who have been busy riffing  via their new project, RiffTrax, back on television will be like witnessing the second coming.

Brooklyn Boondoggle Saints

Remember how some New Yorkers got so upset about the Atlantic Yards Project, aka the Barclays Center, aka “Operation Relocate the New Jersey Nets to Brooklyn Because Brooklyn is More Hip Than Jersey*,” that they decided to make a documentary about what would happen to the outer borough if the Project developers got their way?  And blah blah blah “eminent domain” / bold-faced illegal land grab / displaced persons–total snoooozfest. Because here’s what actually happened.

According to Deadspin:

In exchange for giving Forest City Ratner more than $300 million in public subsidies to build the Barclays Center in downtown Brooklyn (and that’s not counting additional tax breaks and below-market land), the developer promised to give back to the community, including affordable housing, and new railyards. Precisely none of that has materialized. The only tangible giveback to the community? A storage meditation room.

I honestly don’t know what about. A meditation room is the perfect place to come when you’re seeking refuge from record-shattering New York winters, or brainstorming where you and your family are going to live now that you’ve been kicked out of your home. Plus, there are only approximately 919 houses of worship in Brooklyn, so the meditation room was definitely needed.

Man, I love a happy ending. Now, will someone please get a security guard to unlock this room so I can rejoice (quietly, of course).

*As of this posting, the Brooklyn Nets are in second place in the weakest conference in the National Basketball Association. Which is still better than being in New Jersey, apparently.

59_MB-OTTO-BarclaysCenter_IMG_1131
Homes used to go here. Now, more importantly, it’s where GQ has a barbershop.

The AFI 100 Movie Challenge

The AFI 100 Movie Challenge

The Academy Awards happened recently; a night where most of the country gathers around their TVs to celebrate the one thing we all have in common: a love for the movies.

However, for as much as I pride myself in film knowledge, the famous Oscar montages tend to inform me as to how few of Hollywood’s greatest pictures I’ve actually seen.

This led me to a challenge; an attempt to tackle 100 of the greatest films of all time.

Every 10 years the American Film Institute revises what they assert to be the list of the top 100 films ever made.  Here it is: 100 Years 100 Movies 10th Anniversary Edition.

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Take a look, it’s in an e-book / The Midwest loves Neil Gaiman

And there’s hard data to back it up.

Scribd, aka The Netflix of books that apparently 80 million of you already know about (I thought it was an app for people who like to doodle) has released the findings of who’s reading what in America. Some of the results may shock you. More after a word from our sponsors…

Just kidding. We don’t have sponsors.

So about that list. Illinois (American Gods) and Wisconsin (Neverwhere) can’t seem to get enough of English wordsmith Gaiman, while Tennessee and Arizona are basically fraternal twins separated by half a country, with the former checking out Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and the later thumbing through the book based on the TV show based on the Twitter account, Sh*t My Dad Says. Stay classy, you two.

My personal favorite was Paulo Coelho’s allegorical novella / book most like to appeal to dreamers and/or wannabe tyrants (so I imagine–and I think The Universe might agree) The Alchemist striking a chord with Washington, D.C.’s literati. Alaska rounds out this curious sneak peak into our countrymen’s nightstands by choosing Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream and Dessert Book. Alaska. You are hardcore. Don’t you know there are cookbooks for soups? And charred meats? And pies? Basically all hot foods. Maybe check one of those out. There are no late fees.

Put-Up Time

Ever tell your friends, “If only I could have $10,000 for a production budget and mentoring from a seasoned Hollywood pro, I could make a really kick-ass short film”?

Well, it’s time to put up or shut up.   is offering just that to ten lucky young filmmakers.  Go to find out how the program works and how to apply.

A key part of the application is a one-page treatment of your idea for a short film or video.  The story you want to make needs to address some aspect of liberty as its theme.  And it must be makable within the budgetary limits.  (So forget about that sequel to Braveheart, unless you’re really good at green-screen CGI.)

The judges will be looking for originality.  But they’re not looking for super-esoteric film-school short films.  You know the type — shot in black and white for no good reason, weird for the sake of being weird.  It wouldn’t kill you to give it a coherent narrative.  (And it’d definitely give you a better shot at getting picked.)

So, start thinking up those original story ideas with a coherent narrative and a liberty theme.  With any luck, you’ll be making a kick-ass short film this summer.

And stay tuned to this blog, as we’ll release additional tips and details on TN’s programs.

 

It really is AWESOME

Having now finally seen The Lego Movie, I can confirm that it is crazy-delightful, especially for those of us who grew up at-play in the halcyon days of the early to mid 90s.

As a general rule, I am skeptical of films built around inanimate objects (that Tamagotchi trilogy is coming…just you wait), but the creative team behind Lego clearly knew how to craft a narrative capable of tapping into the basic reason kids and adults love these Danish interlocking blocks: they rely entirely on our imagination. And they’re fun. So is this movie. Go see it.

the_lego_movie_2014-wide

Space Jam 2: Replacements for LeBron

Space Jam 2: Replacements for LeBron

The news recently broke that Warner Brothers is in the early stages of development for Space Jam 2; a sequel to the ’90s’ cult classic that starred Michael Jordan alongside Bugs Bunny and the rest of the Looney Tunes gang.

It was rumored that the sequel would star modern-day basketball superstar: LeBron James. Recently, James has denied the rumors; stating publicly “Obviously I don’t want to be on there…”

So with the “King” apparently  unwilling to share the screen with the lovable cast, Warner Brothers has been forced to seek out a new star for the film from amongst the notable players of the National Basketball Association.  Some interesting names have been proposed, but for various reasons, they have each proven unbefitting to take on the role.  Here are some of the most noteworthy players Warner Brothers has approached, and the subsequent reasons why they were not cast.

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It’s a Smash Cut Culture

Do we need a new blog on culture?  Well, did we need a new pope?  I think both questions answer themselves.

Webster’s defines “smash cut” as… well, Webster’s doesn’t have “smash cut” in it.  The first suggestion it lists in lieu of “smash cut” is “Siamese cat,” but that’s just silly.

Naturally, Google has a definition:  “A smash cut is a technique in film and other moving visual media where one scene abruptly cuts to another without transition, usually meant to startle the audience.”

Which isn’t so silly.  Because Hollywood is going through an abrupt change that, rather than startling the audience, seems to be scaring the bejebus out of the movie studios and TV networks.

This probably isn’t news to you, but digital technology, which now runs the gamut from production to distribution, has revolutionized the film and TV industry (just as it upended the music business earlier).

Used to be that you needed a battery of refrigerator-sized movie cameras, miles of celluloid film, hanger-sized sound stages, and battalions of crew members to shoot a movie, along with editing suites with bulky equipment that would literally cut and splice together reels of film.

And then, you needed to make thousands of physical copies of these big reels of film and ship them all over the country simultaneously for opening weekend.  And you had to spend tens of millions in TV advertising to get the word out and butts in the seats.

Now?  You can shoot an entire movie with a handheld HD videocamera and a few hard drives that could all fit inside one suitcase.  You can edit the whole thing with nothing but a laptop.  You can distribute your finished product to hundreds of millions of potential customers with literally the touch of a trackpad button and a WiFi connection.  And you can market the whole thing for free with a Twitter account and Facebook page.

Of course, there’s no guarantee you will have the same level of viewership or gross income that the studio movie will garner.  But the playing field is more level than it has ever been before.

Of all of these changes — the lowering of barriers on production, post-production, marketing, and distribution — the most radical is distribution.  The studios were the ultimate gatekeepers on what movies were shown in theaters and sold in video-stores (remember those?), what songs played on the radio, what shows got on TV.  But while they continued to zealously patrol those gates, the walls around those gates have been crumbling.

 was right, in a way — the (digital) revolution will not be televised.  Rather, it will be blogged, podcasted, YouTubed, Tweeted, Vimeo’ed, Pandora’ed, Amazon Primed, and Netflix streamed.  Studios can only stand by (like record-company executives before them) as their business models go the way of the dinosaur.

While the studio system certainly had its advantages and its triumphs, both artistic and financial, it was often hostile to those who didn’t share their paternalistic, coastal-elite point of view.  Having connections –familial, political, or school ties — were crucial to breaking in.  This fostered a group-think mentality, while those with other perspectives were largely locked out.

As Hollywood’s monopoly on the means of distribution fades, other points of view will break through as people outside the system begin to create.

Smash Cut is a group blog that seeks to liberate our culture from Hollywood’s stale, hidebound world view, encouraging more diverse voices and views.

But likely more often than not, we will simply write silly posts and capsule movie reviews, pointing you to the things we like (or warning you off things that we don’t like).  We want to hear from you, so we welcome comments.

We want this to be a conversation.  We will often disagree with each other — which is good, because as I said, we want to see/hear a diversity of ideas and views.  You will not find a lot of groupthink here.  In fact, we are all in firm agreement to avoid groupthink.

Like a Paranormal Activity movie, change is scary but simultaneously thrilling.  The changes underway in the Hollywood system provide tremendous opportunity to those who felt cut out of the old-boys-network because they weren’t willing to surrender their independence of thought.

Fresh new voices are emerging, and there’s no rule that says they must parrot the same tired Hollywood point of view.  We for one can’t wait to hear what they have to say.  And this blog gives us a chance to throw in our own two bitcoins from time to time.