As yet another film you feel obligated to say is good when your girlfriend is around hurtles toward Oscar gold this year, check out these fake spoilers so you can sound like one of the 80 people who’ve actually seen it…
5 – To capture that “empty theater” look, they filmed on location at a Weinstein Oscar screening.
4 – So that’s why he’s reading this book.
3 – As Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, and Marisa Tomei can attest to, doing nothing is one of the best ways to win an Oscar.
2 – Between Shape of Water and Mews in Stranger Things, 2017 was a rough year for cats on screen.
1 – Is it sweet justice or just humiliating when you rescue the finger your boss likes to wag at you?
Bonus Spoiler #1 – How come Guillermo Del Toro didn’t also compose the music after writing, directing, and producing Shape of Water? Because he’s a quitter, that’s why.
Bonus Spoiler #2 – He’s actually not stalking her – he literally has nowhere else to go or look at.